Tucked-in Tank Top

Here is my application essay for the Creative Circus, which I haven't submitted yet. Hopefully they'll understand where I'm coming from and maybe you'll get an idea as to why I'm about to hurl myself into considerable financial debt for the next who-knows-how-many years.

There are many things to fear in life - cancer, cockroaches, flying, cockroaches that fly, getting dumped, going bankrupt, biting into a rotten fruit, being chased by a lunatic with an axe through a labyrinth in the dead of winter– but for me, my biggest fear is getting old and knowing that I never truly did what I wanted to do in life. And that is to be creative in some kind of visual or sonic way. Typing that feels a bit campy, but may sharks with wings come swoop me away if it’s not the truth. When I was in high school the only thing I found enjoyment in, I mean real, I-can’t-be-bothered-with-anything-else-right-now kind of engagement was when I was playing music with my two good friends, or when I would leave my house for hours to go skateboarding, or when I was in pottery class getting all Zen on the throwing wheel, or when I was in the dark room nervously awaiting to see how badly I had botched my latest roll of black and white film in the spool, and consequently being absolutely thrilled if the contact sheet came out perfect and the photos looked cool. I’ve never been much of an artist in the way of drawing and this always bummed me out because I consider myself to be someone who understands life best through imagery. The way an elderly man's hands are folded on the back of his train seat’s headrest in front of me, the way the windows on a downtown office building can look like geometric tessellations, the way a shadow of a pile of shoes bends up the apartment door they are stacked outside of – these are things I see and wonder how I can capture in a way that makes them appear more important than they really are. This is why I want to join the Circus. I want to capture images that seem mundane and make them interesting, or capture images that are interesting and make them relevant, or capture images that are relevant and make them powerful. I think that’s something I could wake up at six in the morning for and be excited about. Or maybe, like, seven in the morning.